Star-Lord gets arrested, disappointed they don’t know his name. We see him being booked on a prison ship and John C. Reilly reading off the passenger manifest. Drax, all practical. Gamora (Zoe looks AMAZING), also practical. She’s described as “Thanos’ adopted daughter by Reilly” Rocket Racoon, just called “Rocket” o word on the voice. But he’s feisty. He spits as his name gets read. Groot, who is all CGI and has to lean down for his mug shot. Reilly calls him a “personal houseplant slash muscle”. Then Star Lord, who very slowly does a jack-in-the-box flipping off Reilly. When he finishes, he mocks surprise. “Oh,” he says ,”I’m sorry. I didn’t know how that machine worked.” As he’s getting booked, he’s very angry about a guard taking his headphones and listening to them. The call themselves the ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’,” Reilly says, rolling his eyes. “What a bunch of a-holes,” says the guard behind Reilly. The logo comes up with “Hooked on a Feeling” playing over it.

We see a desolate alien world, where Peter Quill, aka Starlord, is going inside an ancient temple. He uses a light globe to illuminate the interior, and then goes to steal an old alien orb.

Some alien cops come in with big guns to stop him. "Drop it now," orders their leader, Borath (Djimon Hounsou). And he asks Quill who he is. "Starlord," he replies. "Who?" Borath asks. "Starlord, man. Legendary outlaw." Starlord is wounded. "Forget it."

Then we see someone activate a wrist transceiver, and we're in an alien prison, where five creatures have been arrested on Zandar. We see holographic "rapsheets" for all five of them — Drax the Destoryer, Gamora (Zoe Saldana), a personal death machine, Rocket Raccoon, who has over 50 charges of vehicular theft and escape from lockup, Groot, a houseplant/muscle, and then Starlord himself.

Rhomann Dey (John C. Reilly) narrates the whole thing with intense snark, especially when he gets to the part about how Peter Quill calls himself Starlord. Listening to this, Quill cranks up his middle finger as if he's working a creaky machine. Later, Quill is in prison and Drax is listening to his personal stereo, which is playing a bouncy "gamba gamba" tune. Quill is offended — and then he gets tased.

And then we saw a montage of tons of action footage, including a two-headed alien shooting a gun, a prison riot, tons of Gamora putting the smackdown on people, Rocket Raccoon shooting a big gun with a vicious look on his face.

The footage ends with John C. Reilly saying, "They call themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy. What a bunch of A-holes." And we see the five of them lined up, like the Usual Suspects.